


just ignore the mean little boy

by sleeplessmiles



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 01:15:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2794430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplessmiles/pseuds/sleeplessmiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘What is that… that thing?’</p>
<p>Jemma looked up, distinctly unimpressed at his antics. ‘Lance, that’s a cat.’ </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>There's a cat at the Playground. Lance isn't a huge fan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just ignore the mean little boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-post of a prompt I filled on tumblr, because I'm trying (so hard!) to get everything in one place.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

 

It was mid-afternoon when Lance finally finished up with inventory ( _thanks a fucking lot, Mack_ ) and trudged over to the break room. The place was empty save for Jemma, who was curled up in an armchair with a cup of tea, completely engrossed in what looked to be a magazine.

Probably a journal of some kind, he guessed. He didn’t really peg her as the magazine type.

Unless.

Science magazines? Did science do magazines? Maybe. But at what point does a science magazine become a journal?

He was pondering this incredibly important question, absently preparing a mug of tea, when a fast-moving ball of ginger and brown fur leapt up onto the counter next to him. He swore loudly, jumping back.

A cat. That was a fucking cat.

It hissed at him. He wouldn’t say he  _yelped,_  exactly, but – yeah, okay, he yelped.

‘What is that… that  _thing_?’

Jemma looked up, distinctly unimpressed at his antics. ‘Lance, that’s a cat.’ 

‘Thank you, princess,’ her eyes narrowed slightly at the now-familiar moniker, ‘but I think the more pressing question here is why the  _hell_  do we have a cat?’

‘ _We_ , do not have a cat.  _SHIELD_  has a cat. We’re handing him over to law enforcement tomorrow morning.’

Giving the hissing cat a wide berth, Lance shuffled across the room to the couch opposite Jemma, placing his mug of tea carefully onto the coffee table before sprawling out comfortably. Jemma scrunched up her nose in distaste at the action. ‘Aren’t  _we_  supposed to be law enforcement?’

She huffed darkly. ‘Which laws would we be enforcing, exactly?’

He raised his mug at her in a mock salute. ‘You make an excellent point.’

They both lapsed into silence – Lance sipping at his tea, Jemma turning her attention back to her science magazine/journal/whatever. The furry little hellion himself wandered over from the kitchen, jumping swiftly up onto the coffee table. 

Lance eyed him warily. The cat looked back, just as suspiciously.

‘So. What’s he off to the feds for?’ Lance began conversationally, vowing to ignore the way the cat looked to be planning an attack on his very life. He felt a stupid grin spread across his face as a thought occurred to him. ‘Is it for – ’

‘ – If you make even a single cat pun, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’ Impressively, she didn’t even bat an eye, quietly turning a page.

‘That’s a bit rough.’

That got her to glance up, a warning in her eyes. ‘You’re on shaky enough ground as it is, calling me princess again – ’

‘ – aw, but it  _so_ suits you – ’

‘ – so next time, you’re out.’

‘You can’t kick me out,’ he protested, just for the sake of riling her up a bit. (He knew it was an empty threat anyway). ‘It’s a communal area.’

‘I think I can, actually. I  _know_  I’d have the support.’

‘You reckon?’

Jemma shot him a disbelieving look. It was almost impressive, really, the way she managed to convey so much shock and astonishment without even speaking.

‘Do we  _really_  have to do this every time? You know I always win.’

He waved her off. ‘Yeah, yeah, I know. SHIELD sweetheart and all that. I’ve got the bullet scar to prove it.’

She went quiet at that, the fight seeming to go out of her as she stared down at her lap.

Fuck.

What did he say?

It didn’t even matter; Lance immediately wanted to take back everything he’d said, just in case. 

It was hard to judge, with Jemma. She gave as good as she got, but she still had her vulnerable spots. He forgot, sometimes, that she’d been through so much. Was  _still_  going through so much. But the thing was, she seemed to forget it too, when she was heaping shit on him.

So he’d gladly take it.

He just needed to stop running his mouth off like a fucking idiot and inadvertently making her feel bad.

Clearing his throat quietly, he adopted a deeply offended tone.

‘Do you  _really_  think I’d stoop to the level of puns that quickly?’

She quirked a half-grin at him, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. ‘Lance, we both know you’re  _exactly_  at that level, and that’s why I’m saying no.’

He heaved a long-suffering sigh. ‘Fine, fine.’

Satisfied for the moment, she turned back to her journal. Lance watched her thoughtfully for a little while, noting that the worried lines on her forehead seemed to smooth out the more she read.

Good.

He looked back across to the cat, who now appeared to be grooming himself. Gross. What a gross, terrible cat.

As though it could hear his thoughts, the cat looked across, large eyes blinking up at him. Lance sighed.

He  _was_  being a little overdramatic.

Maybe the cat wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe they’d both just gotten off on the wrong foot.

He held out a hand and made a ridiculous clicking sound.

‘Here, kitty!’

The cat hissed at him, jumping back.

Lance gaped at the little beast.

Jemma looked up again and tutted. ‘Lance, don’t antagonise the cat.’

‘I wasn’t! I was being perfectly civil. He’s the one who started it!’

‘Well Crookshanks has been through quite an ordeal, so of course he’s going to – ’

‘ – Crookshanks?’ Lance spluttered.

Jemma was instantly defensive. ‘What?’

‘ _Crookshanks_. You, actual Hermione Granger, named him after the cat in Harry Potter.’

Her whole face softened into a pleased grin at that.

_Oh, shit._

‘Aww, you read! That’s lovely.’

‘Shut up.’

‘No, it’s really great! I’m proud of you.’

‘I was a kid once, too,’ he defended.

Her grin only widened.

‘You weren’t when the books were released.’

‘That… Can we  _please_  focus on the important things here?’ His voice was pitched embarrassingly high. How in God’s name had she turned the tables on him that quickly?

Jemma’s face was the picture of innocence. She was on a roll now.

‘I thought we were?’

‘How about you perpetuating every bloody English stereotype possible?’ He threw his hands up. ‘Look at you, with your tea and your - your Harry Potter references. Might as well start  _actually_  calling you Hermione.’

‘She  _has_ always been my favourite.’ She beamed at him again.

(It was definitely reaching her eyes now, Lance noted to himself quietly.)

‘See? Look at all these great things we’re learning about each other. Don’t you wish we did this more often?’

Lance only leaned back further in his seat, rubbing his hands over his face. ‘We already do this way too often.’

‘Aw. You love it.’

He fought down the fond smile that was threatening to break out, because _really_ , it would destroy all the hard work he was putting into being so gruff.

‘Whatever. Just, keep that thing away from me, alright?’

She pouted down at the cat. ‘Crookshanks wouldn’t hurt a fly, would you?’ The cat purred in her lap as she softly stroked his ears.

Lance narrowed his eyes at it.

The cat gave him the stink eye right back.

Little kiss-ass.

‘He sees you as a threat.’

Jemma and Lance both jumped at the new voice, looking over to see May making herself a cup of tea.

_When did she creep in?_  

Lance unconsciously sat up a little straighter, consciously puffed out his chest.

‘I  _am_  a threat.’

‘No you’re not,’ May replied, at the same time that Jemma scoffed.

‘Hey!’ he protested.

‘What I meant is that he sees you as a threat to his status as alpha cat.’

Lance blinked.

Wait. 

‘So you’re saying… he thinks I’m a cat,’ he said slowly.

May was smirking. Jemma, on the other hand, was positively delighted at this turn of events. She smiled at him gleefully.

‘I’ve always considered you to be the human equivalent of a small woodland animal, Lance. I think you should take it as a compliment.’ 

He just gaped at the two of them.

‘What do you expect me to do?’ he appealed to May. ‘Go curl up in her lap to assert my dominance?’

Jemma scoffed again. ‘Not likely.’

‘You can try,’ May added from over by the counter, ‘but she’ll kick your ass.’

Jemma shot a pleased smile over at her. Lance rolled his eyes.

‘That’s it.’ He stood up dramatically. ‘I don’t have to put up with this.’

‘But we’re having so much fun!’ Jemma protested, a laugh in her voice. He huffed, walked to the door.

‘Catburglary!’ he yelled, looking back over his shoulder. ‘Was the pun I was going to make. He’s being put away for catburglary!’

Jemma scrunched up her nose. ‘I’m not entirely sure that makes sense.’

‘Bloody wasted on you people,’ he muttered, but he was hiding a smile at how animated Jemma’s voice was again.

Then:

‘Agent May,’ he heard her begin in a faux-casual tone, just loud enough to carry over to Lance, ‘did you know that Lance has read the entirety of the Harry Potter series?’

He groaned in frustration.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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